Falling apart...

Falling apart... that's what this is doing... falling apart!!

I'm sitting here in my room reflecting on what progress I have achieved (or more like what I HAVE NOT achieved) since Jan 01... and then I get side-tracked by listening to the Les Miserables OST. Miserable... that is true for me if I don't have a positive outlook on life.

Ahhhh!!! Enough depression already!!!

Everyday is a new day and everyday you pick yourself up again and again!! Go! Go! Happy Monkey!

Ok... that was just a pep cheer for myself. Hehehe... ^.^

Been picking up after myself in the past month as I don't have work... I'm on a casual payroll and they company just doesn't have work for me yet... sigh...

I had resorted to begging money from my brother to pay off my rent & expenses; I've been reduced to a vegetarian diet, although not strictly 'cause I'm having fish (more like canned tuna). Surprisingly this new diet is quite good; although I feel hungrier now a days, but I can live off it... about $10 a week... amazing huh??

Just the other day, Edmund taught me and LY (my gf) how to make cold Soba salad noodles. It is so simple and heavenly for hot days!! Wow! I was addicted to it... I've already stocked up on dried Soba noodles. And did I mentioned the wasabi?? Well, mix it with tons of wasabi paste... yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaahhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwww!!! kowabanga dude!! I might post up the recipe one of these days 'cause you gotta try it!

My chanting has slowed down, but I am steadily filling in a 1 million daimoku chart... need to redetermine to chant more.

Been entertaining the idea of going back to university to study a teaching degree. Had a talk to Liz today and she told me that there were still places available for students to get the Maths & Science Teacher degree... apparently these types of teachers are in high demand. I am tempted to go for it... but I am also conflicted; am I escaping from my challenges? Am I wimping out?? I had determined and chanted to get a fulfilling science job... does this mean it would be a science job in terms of teaching, not science research work??? Still unsure on what to do, but I must make a choice by this week... opportunities are for one to take; if I hesistate I may miss it.

I need to chant more; everything starts with chanting... must remember, internalize and engrave this in my heart.

LY was at her brother's for the past two days ask he had come down with chicken pox. She's over there taking care of him and making origami dolls; learning from the book that she borrowed from our housemate, MM.

It was a bit wierd, the first night in the house without her... felt very lonely, especially with MM away in HK for holidays. The whole house was empty and all of I sudden I didn't know what to do...

I ended up watching tons of anime and reading books. For some reason I couldn't really sleep, but I felt really tired. But she's coming back today for the night as we wanted to have dinner with our friend, Derek, who is going back to Malaysia for holidays on Friday.

Well, I hope the week will turn for the better... in fact I expect so as Saturday is a full day for me at the kaikan (SGIA Melbourne Culture Centre), VCT meeting follow by Living Wisdom study, and then the YC5 core committee meeting.

Wondering if I am taking on too much... must not burnout... for the sake of Australian kosen-rufu I must be at the forefront leading and encouraging others behind me to join me...

GO! GO! Happy Monkey!!